Monday, December 29, 2014

Another year came and went...

Yeah... 2014 almost end and 2015 is catching up... and in 2015 i'll be forty.. yeappp big Four Ohhh!! Dont get me started on my midlife crisis nonsense crap talk.. hahaha... instead let talk about how this year went...

hmmmm.... 2014.. the good and bad... 

I ended my non fruitful relationship... dont really know how to describe it.. I just end it.. no drama.. no whyy ohh whyyy this happen.. not even a single tear drop from my eye. maybe it was meant to be. maybe i stopped loving him long time ago.. just didnt have the guts to walk away.. Well now that i did im not looking back. i felt good.

Family wise.. mom still like mom.. her condition worsen... yeah.. it does hurt to see mom like that.. and sometimes remembering the things she did to me.. it makes me think.. what have i done to deserve this.. im tired.. of all the test and challenge HE sets for me.. Sometimes i just wish for a break from all this.. i just wanna be happy with my life.. i want my life to be easy and simple.. no drama.. everything just go my way.. like for once.. can HE just give me what i want.. without all the drama...

Dad... he's a good dad/husband. He's taking care of mom... and every now and then blow his steam off at me.. then suddenly that makes me feel like im a teenager again. With all the pressure and what now.

Often people always tell me to let go.. tell me dont think about it.. dont talk about it.. so i did.. but that thing didnt go away.. i just buried them deep in my heart.. and when im alone.. that feelings resurface.. and yes im sad and depressed. and yes i do feel lonely. and yes.. yes.. yes.. its not a pretty picture and yes its hard on me still... and yes i do everything i can to handle it. and yes im being strong. yes... i hide it from everyone.. i smiled i laughed.. to the extend people think there's nothing wrong with me.. well i've been pretending.. faking a smile when im feeling down.. and i guess im good at it.. cause no one notice that im sad and hurting... and i just dont talk about it.. coz no one want to talk about it with me. well no worries.. i got it covered.. im coping.. i hope.. 

relative wise.. as far as im concerned.. none exist. heh

work wise.. im grateful.. im still employed.

Friend wise.. im grateful.. that i have few dependable friends... good friends.. best buddies.. maybe handful.. but im ok with it.

love life wise.... :) Thank you

Pray and hope 2015 will be a better year for me.. fruitful year.. smooth sailing.. all the best in everything.. chaiyok!!