Thursday, March 7, 2013

Me, Mom & Alzheimer

Well its been quite sometimes i think my mom got her alzheimer's diseased. We've been to the doctor and after all medical check up, she was as healthy as a horse for someone at her age.  But dont know why she keeps loosing weight and together with her weight her memories too. My aunt who is a doctor saw her and told me to read up about alzheimer and it confirms my theory that she has that disease.  Moving on dad says we'll take care of her and that things resume as normal as possible. 

I've been doing some reading and research on my sweet time and found out that what ever the symptom of an alzheimer's patient have, my mom have it. And nothing could be done.. Technically. I dont think any medication will help. And dad bought lots of supplement to help her like to help her memory to stimulate her brain and what not.. But honestly.. I dont see any change though..

My mom's mood have been ups n down.. Sometimes she loves me so much.. Like she really love me.. Other times.. She cant bear looking at me.. Like i did something wrong but i did nothing of such. Sometimes everything i did is not right in her eyes, like i purposely did something to hurt her. Like this one time.. I was watching tv with my cousin.. She came in to the living room then sits on a corner staring at me.. (Of course i didnt notice caused i was really in to watching the story) then my dad asked her what is she's staring at.. Like something is bordering her.. Then i realised that she was angry at me for no reason. She keeps on saying nothing... But she's staring at me like there was unresolved issues. I know that its her diseased but its kinda took a toll on me.. And i believe dad too.. 

She somewhat jelous when dad keeps on talking to me.. But she didnt realised that when we wanted to talked to her.. She didnt want to answer us.. And sometimes we just try to create some sorts of interaction with her.. Then out of sudden... She just got angry and says that we are scolding her and teasing her... 

I've come to a certain point that when i realised that she's having one of her mood swings, i have to hide myself in my room for few hours... Sometimes with some luck.. She'll be okay.. But other times... After a few minutes.. She's start having her swings again. Funny thing is.. After i went back to my place and i call up my dad to tell him that i reached safely and talked to her.. She'll be asking when am i coming back again!!!???? 

I know its her sickness and i really try to be patient... Trust me... Im being really patient... But she has a way of irritating you.. Making you angry and mad... Sometimes at her.. But most of the time at yourself cause you're angry for being angry and mad and irritated because you let her do that to you.. I dont know whether it makes any sense to you... But its true!!!

Mom often say things that seem nonsensical to us; or, say things that leave us exasperated, confused, frustrated, and sometimes angry. The words she say often cause me to react negatively, angry and most of the time wondering what is she's trying to tell me. I' m still trying to figure out what she's saying.. Trying to make sense out of it.. But mist of the times makes me feel like what had happen to her that makes her sooooooo...... Stupid...

Am I in denial?  


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