Sunday, March 18, 2012

im back in the ditch....

Ari ni... im being reminded of my sad unresolved issue... a baggage that i've been carrying on for the past 10 years.... its not that i dont want to resolved it but.... somehow... i just cant.....

i can see that my youth is slipping through my hand... i cant have it back... ni know that if i get married now ... no way im getting pragnent... due to my age and the chances of something wrong with the baby are getting higher as i aged...

some people keeps telling me to just let my dad know what im feeling... but how can i do that when.. dad is worried about mom who's suffering alzheimer... and how i can broke his heart again.... therefore... the only thing i could do is wait n hope that someday my dad will realised that when mom n him passed on i' ll be alone... and when im old... hopefully i pray to God... please let me keep my mental health n if i die... just let me die quickly so that i wont be a burden... to anyone... as i have no one to depend on.. that i have no relative that will look after me... and so that i wont be much of problem at the old folks home...

that reminds me... i need to start scouting for old folks home so that when the time comes im prepared n have enough money for it.

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