Saturday, July 24, 2010

All I want....

Huh!! talking bout wants... mine are endless... lots of wants in my life.. and the funny thing is... it keeps on adding after i managed to satisfy one...

At the moment.... i want

Iphone 4
Land rover Freelander
Audi A4
color printer
Sony A550
Canon Ixus 130
Video Camera
Penthouse Duplex Condo
Lands & Orchards
Bottomless bank account $_$
100 acre woods - with pooh bear, tigger n everybody else
Edward in Jacob's body.... *drool!!

Most of all..... lots and lots of Money Trees then i can have all the above!! YIPPIE!!!

#yeah i know.. dream on....

Thursday, July 22, 2010



  • I got another blog and it's about my kitties. Just something for me to do and further occupied my already busy time!! *see how redundant my words are!! Too emphasised how "BZ" i am
  • *post publication note... i've deactivated the blog!!

    Anyway.. at the moment im thinking of getting a UWA lens... maybe 1118 or 1080.. hmmm that will definitely translate to lots of money.. but that is that...

    Ya la.. at the moment i have:


    but i dont have 11-18 so... salah ke if i wanna buy 1 that covers that range??

    So then it will be:


    Maybe who knows.. if I hit jackpot..


    #Like I said to myself earlier... KEEP ON DREAMIN' GURL!! Cheh!!

    Wednesday, July 14, 2010

    I broke the ice...

    by calling my uncle who his wife passed away recently.. ala.. the one i mentioned earlier..

    well.. spoke to him about 15 minutes.. asking him how he is.. what he's doing and what not..

    and it's kinda sad to hear that he's struggling... trying to hold back his tears and what not..

    and as hard as i tried not to fill up my tear duck... it did burst!! * hahaha.... so much of trying to be tough!!

    and wondering why he's there all alone.. where are his children?? His favouritest *if there's such a word Daughters..

    Hhhhmmmmm....... *pause to ponder...

    Tuesday, July 13, 2010

    I'm happy for you and that's it...

    Dear who ever is concerned,

    I'm happy for you... REALLY.... for all your happiness that you come across.. in your future life.. what ever the things you're doing.. I wish you all the best in your life.. what ever that may be.. getting married, have a wonderful husband.. your hubby loves you so much... having babies.. ohh baby just start walking.. talking.. poop.. what ever it is... going for overseas trip.. have a happy family.. what ever that life installed for you.. IM SO DAMN HAPPY FOR YOU.. and that's it...

    Enough with the torturing, tormenting.. the soft and subtle words asking.. are you coming to see me do what ever happy f***ing things that you cant get in your life due to the fact that your "FM" is not cool with it..

    Have it ever incurred in the brain of yours that I'm trying hard to breathe.. to act like everything is ok.. like nothing matters... like I such a happy person that nothing happens can bring my spirit down.. to behave like normal people do.. like I'm not hurt with the fact that you're happy.. living my life every fucking day, asking myself what have i done to deserve this.. why cant i be happy like anyone else.. So please give me some space to breathe this treacherous air..

    Oh by the way.. I'm really happy for you... ^_^
    ~~ but that's it..


    Saturday, July 3, 2010

    I'm trying very hard....

    1. To breath.... its suffocating me.. its drowning me.. its pulling me under...

    2. To act like i dont care... like totally not care...

    3. To act like nothings matter... like nothing does..

    4. To be normal... as normal as i can be..

    5. To smile... and be jovial... and happy like nothing ever happen

    6. To keep everything inside... buried it deep down

    7. Not to open my damn mouth and blurred everything out..

    8. Not to cry.... tonite... to hold in the tears...

    9. To Not TO BE ME... INSIDE & OUTSIDE....

    *still waiting... for that day.... the day... hoping it will come soon...

    p/s: Dear Heart... it shall come soon... just bear with it a little bit longer...

    even years has passed... it will be here...

    SOON.... i hope.....

    Friday, July 2, 2010

    why oh why....

    Im at ma parents place.. its time to meet up with the King and Queen.. hehehe.. well... everything's ok with them.. the only thing yang tak best is that.. few days back when they when back to their hometown.. the time when my uncle passed away... my dad sms's me telling me to call my other uncle.. the one who's wife just died.. ala... the auntie that i used to be closed to.. yeah.. that one!!!

    Now mom telling me that he might be coming over and stay with us.. since he's all lonely and what not since my auntie died. Its NOT like i have anything against that.. but he have his own children.. why oh why he wants to come n stay with me. NOT that i dont like the idea.. but shouldn't the children needs to take care of their own father?? Those days when my aunt is still around.. she also prefers to come and stay with my parents... NOT that i have any complaint about it.. but that responsibilities should lies with them. THEY SHOULD TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN PARENTS!!!... Its just my thought... NOT that i'm complaining or anything....

    The reason why i'm a bit pissed off is that... just say..later on when my parents are not well... i have to take care of them on MY OWN... NONE of my uncle's children gonna help me.. and offer to take care of my parent... in fact at this moment... NOT even one of my relatives noticed that im gone.. none of them even text or call me up and ask me how am i holding on.. so.... why should i do the same??

    TELL ME.... what kind of person in the right kind of mind do that to someone else.. and yet.. when they sick, old and what not.. i have to call them up.. just to have a small conversation.. ask them how they are.. when they did not do the same to me??? NOT that i'm complaining... but should i??

    WTF!!??!! now i have this soft spot... pitying my uncle.. missing my aunt so much... it brings tears to my eyes... tears that i promised not to cry for those people... I really have a soft heart...

    WHY OH WHY.... GOD MADE ME THIS WAY!!!!??? *sish... will call him later