Wednesday, March 10, 2010

what should i say.. think... do...

Well, while sitting here I just realised something.. it has been at least 6 years I've been waiting... been obeying and i didnt gain anything from it.. not to say nothing at all.. but its too small compared to what i should get in return.. for giving up the idea..


A used to be VERY BELOVED, RESPECTED, SOUGHT AFTER, SHOULDER TO CRY ON UNCLE of mine once mentioned to me during those "troubled" days... AND I QUOTE "why not u concentrate on cars since you love cars so much!!"


~~~~ What kind of advise was that?? Can I ask him or should i ask him... can u hug cars in the middle of night when you're all alone and lonely?? Can u talk to your car if you have problems, can your car take care of you if you're sick and at a death bed?? Can your car change your diapers if you're senile one day?? Can your car keep you company when you're old hold you hand when you're walking when there are no one else care about you?
Maybe he wont feel lonely and abandon when he still got his family and relatives around. But in my case.. i dont have lots of friends, i dont have siblings and relatives that i can count on..


BAMM!!! It just hit me again... I'M GOING TO BE ALONE... and DIE ALONE... well not much different from now...



p/s: Just got a call... Makes me wanna








... I hate that feeling when you 're about to cry and
someone asks you if there's anything wrong or to cheer up and
you try to smile but you just physically can't do it
and eventually the effort of trying to smile for
this one person has the tears spilling over.
It makes me feel so defeated by life
when I can't find the strength to smile in those moments ...





~ ~ IT'S TEARING ME APART ~ ~


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